Let me start this by saying that you will really start to hate things after surgery, and others you will love. Just do your best. :)
Once I got home, I was sipping things when I wasn't sleeping, and eventually, I got so sick of apple juice and cranberry juice that I just couldn't get them down. This is normal. Don't be afraid to change it up.
I will tell you, I never touched the protein shakes. I couldn't do it, literally. It's been 10 months and I STILL don't really go for them. They sit in my cupboard waiting for me to forget the nausea of consuming them day in and day out for two weeks. It is what it is.
My mother found juice boxes for kids..mixed fruit and veggies - and they were tiny. About 4oz. Perfect size! Apple with carrot and some other mix. I drank those, ate fudge popsicles, ate regular popsicles (TONS OF THEM), drank hot chocolate and apple cider...I didn't care what it was as long as I could get it down and not get sick from it.
I think they kind of scare you about making sure you're eating and drinking, but it is so important. Write down the things you're eating and what time so you remember, especially when you are sleeping so much at first and might forget. Same with your meds.
You will notice your tastes changing in those first few days...chicken broth tastes like heaven, and that you will only be able to manage nibbles of super soft foods once you get the OK. For probably your first month, you will feel like you aren't eating anything, and you won't want to. It is quite the adjustment to see the slight amount of food in front of you and realize that it's all the nourishment you need. You might throw up. You might throw up a few times in the first few months..even the first year. You have to trust yourself and your body.
What questions do you have for me? I'd love to know and answer them.
I am going to talk about 'food funerals' next, and the transition to eating and drinking normally again. Something we can all appreciate. :)
I want to apologize for the long wait...I'm back in class again and things are hectic.
Oh, and I will be posting a picture of what I look like now eventually. :) See my previous posts for the 'before' picture!
In love and light,
Jenn
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
The Hours and Days Right After VSG
I had never had surgery before. Since I was someone who hated both hospitals and pain, I figured that I would be able to avoid it for a good long time. If someone had told me that I would have willingly signed up for surgery even five years ago, I'd have laughed at you.
If you have had surgery before, maybe some of this will sound familiar to you -if not, please know that I am not trying to scare you, this is just my story. The stories of others will be different. In fact, the story of my friend, R. *is* different, but I will let her share it if she ever chooses to do so.
The night before surgery, you have to take Milk of Magnesia. I had never taken this stuff before, and I wasn't sure what to think about it. My advice to you is to stay home and stay as close to a bathroom as you possibly can. DO NOT go out. Just don't. lol
The next morning, my surgery was scheduled for 9:30, so I had to be there at 6:30. My dad was kind enough to take me, which I appreciated...and I was still feeling the effects of that damn Milk of Magnesia. Once I was all checked in, they moved me into the pre-surgery area, where I had my blood pressure and whatnot taken. I was actually very calm, which the nurses noted when they saw that my blood pressure was pretty much normal. They took my clothes and gave me my gown and I sat around with my parents (Mom isn't a morning person and got there a bit later..lol) for a couple of hours until I got wheeled away to surgery.
I will tell you this - I was even more convinced it was the right decision for me when I was so calm all morning and the night before. I was TERRIFIED of surgery. I was terrified of an upper endoscopy, and that was just putting a tube down my throat -here they were going to cut off part of my stomach! But you know what? That whole day, the nurses kept saying that they couldn't believe how calm I was. Sometimes, your soul just knows and puts you at ease.
On my way there, my mom was scared. I know she was crying and she was freaked out. I kept telling her to relax. I got into the OR waiting area, and I met my nurses, anesthesiologist, and saw my surgeon, Dr. Pham. Everyone was so nice, and Dr. Pham held my hand and told me that everything would be okay. I really cannot say enough about him or the staff that day - the second they knew I was feeling nervous, they arranged for me to get some medication, and then I just waited for the big moment.
As they were wheeling me into the OR, I kept joking that I was planning on running, but now it was too late. One of the nurses said 'Well, if you jump before this next corner, you have a chance.' LOL I appreciated her joining in. :) The OR didn't look anything like I expected. I guess I didn't know what to expect since all of the ORs I had ever seen were on television, so there you have it. They don't look like what they show on TV. They aren't sexy, sleek, stainless steel fashionable places. This one was kind of a green and metal color. They had me move onto the operating table, and talked to me for a minute as they were administering the anesthesia. I remember looking up at the light shining down on me, and then I was out.
When I woke up...oh man, I was in pain. They pump gas into your stomach so they can work easier, and that, mixed with the fact that my insides had just been trimmed down to size, hurt a lot. The nurses in the post-surgery area weren't the nicest - they tried to get me medication and help me to feel better, but nothing was helping. I have no idea why. Then, they further freaked me out by talking to each other and saying things like 'Have you ever seen someone be in this much pain after that surgery?' and the other one said that she hadn't. And then they were thinking that something must be wrong. Let me tell you something -some people are just more sensitive to pain than even they realize. If you are in health care, please try to be sensitive. I was really scared in that moment, thinking that something might be wrong, and I could barely respond to anything because of the anesthesia clouding my brain and my body. It was a really difficult hour or so that I sat in there in pain.
I was still in pain when I was wheeled back to my room. My parents met me somewhere along the way, and they could also see that I was in a lot of pain. Needless to say, this was not very soothing for my mother who is neurotic. lol They got me into my room, and it was in the middle of shift change, so while I saw the PA, and she ordered me meds, there was no one to get it. It wasn't until about an hour of my lying in the bed, moaning in pain, trying to get some relief, that Dr. Pham came in and heard what was happening and made sure someone got me medicine RIGHT AWAY. Have I mentioned how much I love Dr. Pham yet? :)
Once I had medicine...dilaudid, to be specific, I felt SO much better. According to my mom, the color returned to my face and I started to look more normal. I felt more normal, too. I was sitting up and talking to my parents and the nurses, and I was just generally happy to not be in pain. And, a funny thing happened...I WASN'T hungry. This probably sounds crazy to you guys, like...'Oh, of course you're not hungry, you just had surgery!'... But, to be honest, I had been ravenously hungry every day for as long as I could remember. It was such a huge relief to wake up and NOT feel that. It was different, too. I mean, it was like everything was finally quiet and still.
I also got a ton of anti-nausea medication. The anesthesia did a number of me, and I didn't want to drink anything. Right after surgery, all you are allowed to do is drink. I was given ice chips and water, apple juice, and cranberry juice, and all I could do is sip them. They're also determined that you do not get dehydrated, so they make you drink quite a bit...and right afterwards, the LAST thing you want to do is drink something, nevermind if you're nauseous. I dutifully sipped and watched TV, but it was so lonely when everyone went home for the night. I wished they would have stayed longer just so I had company.
All though the first night, I was woken up periodically to get pain meds, which was FINE with me. lol Then, at like, 5am, someone came in to take blood. Oh, that was so miserable. I just wanted to sleep, and this woman wanted to poke my veins. Bitch. lol I know she was just doing her job, but was 5am REALLY necessary?! UGH!! Anyway, the next morning, Dr. Pham came in to check on me and my incisions, and I got permission to have some extra food like hot chicken broth and tea. And, I could finally get up and walk around the halls, which you have to do to get some of the gas out of your system from the surgery - it helps A LOT.
I stayed in the hospital for two nights, which I think helped me quite a bit, and it helped my parents, who were trying to get ready for Christmas (they were not super pleased that I did the surgery a week before Christmas), and on the last day I had to go through the GI X-ray with the contrast. They said I had to do it to get out of the hospital, and damn them, I was FURIOUS they put me through this. Sure, I get why -they wanted to make sure there were no leaks in my new stomach and whatnot, but REALLY?! You have someone who just got most of their stomach cut off, is on pain meds, and nauseous, and you want them to swallow several cups of contrast? F that.
Needless to say, I did not do well with this test. I could only swallow just a bit, and then I was gagging, sputtering, coughing, and crying. It tasted awful, and my poor lacerated stomach felt like it was trying to implode from my dry heaving. I begged, I pleaded, I asked if there was any other way they could do this, and it was what it was. I finally...FINALLY managed to drink enough that they could see it on the machine and see that I didn't have any leaks. To this day, I have NO idea how I did it. None. Suffice it to say, that test was worse than even the pain I had to endure because I was the one that had to drink that awful stuff. Ugh. Awful. lol
A few hours later, I was released. Mom picked me up and we went and got my medications - pain meds, anti-nausea, a medication that kept my stomach from contracting, and a super strong antacid. I had to take these on a schedule, which was no easy feat with such a tiny stomach. And keep in mind, a shot glass was pretty much the upper limit of my fluid intake. I was still only drinking clear liquids, or eating the occasional popsicle. I went to my parents house and I slept there for hours until my dad came to get me and bring me home where he took care of me overnight. I was really moving around pretty much fine, and I will tell everyone this - the hardest part after surgery isnt' really the pain, it's the nausea. So, if you have the option to get the anti-nausea patch beforehand, DO IT. I will save your life.
I think this entry is long enough - more on days right after surgery in the next entry. :)
In love and light,
Jenn
If you have had surgery before, maybe some of this will sound familiar to you -if not, please know that I am not trying to scare you, this is just my story. The stories of others will be different. In fact, the story of my friend, R. *is* different, but I will let her share it if she ever chooses to do so.
The night before surgery, you have to take Milk of Magnesia. I had never taken this stuff before, and I wasn't sure what to think about it. My advice to you is to stay home and stay as close to a bathroom as you possibly can. DO NOT go out. Just don't. lol
The next morning, my surgery was scheduled for 9:30, so I had to be there at 6:30. My dad was kind enough to take me, which I appreciated...and I was still feeling the effects of that damn Milk of Magnesia. Once I was all checked in, they moved me into the pre-surgery area, where I had my blood pressure and whatnot taken. I was actually very calm, which the nurses noted when they saw that my blood pressure was pretty much normal. They took my clothes and gave me my gown and I sat around with my parents (Mom isn't a morning person and got there a bit later..lol) for a couple of hours until I got wheeled away to surgery.
I will tell you this - I was even more convinced it was the right decision for me when I was so calm all morning and the night before. I was TERRIFIED of surgery. I was terrified of an upper endoscopy, and that was just putting a tube down my throat -here they were going to cut off part of my stomach! But you know what? That whole day, the nurses kept saying that they couldn't believe how calm I was. Sometimes, your soul just knows and puts you at ease.
On my way there, my mom was scared. I know she was crying and she was freaked out. I kept telling her to relax. I got into the OR waiting area, and I met my nurses, anesthesiologist, and saw my surgeon, Dr. Pham. Everyone was so nice, and Dr. Pham held my hand and told me that everything would be okay. I really cannot say enough about him or the staff that day - the second they knew I was feeling nervous, they arranged for me to get some medication, and then I just waited for the big moment.
As they were wheeling me into the OR, I kept joking that I was planning on running, but now it was too late. One of the nurses said 'Well, if you jump before this next corner, you have a chance.' LOL I appreciated her joining in. :) The OR didn't look anything like I expected. I guess I didn't know what to expect since all of the ORs I had ever seen were on television, so there you have it. They don't look like what they show on TV. They aren't sexy, sleek, stainless steel fashionable places. This one was kind of a green and metal color. They had me move onto the operating table, and talked to me for a minute as they were administering the anesthesia. I remember looking up at the light shining down on me, and then I was out.
When I woke up...oh man, I was in pain. They pump gas into your stomach so they can work easier, and that, mixed with the fact that my insides had just been trimmed down to size, hurt a lot. The nurses in the post-surgery area weren't the nicest - they tried to get me medication and help me to feel better, but nothing was helping. I have no idea why. Then, they further freaked me out by talking to each other and saying things like 'Have you ever seen someone be in this much pain after that surgery?' and the other one said that she hadn't. And then they were thinking that something must be wrong. Let me tell you something -some people are just more sensitive to pain than even they realize. If you are in health care, please try to be sensitive. I was really scared in that moment, thinking that something might be wrong, and I could barely respond to anything because of the anesthesia clouding my brain and my body. It was a really difficult hour or so that I sat in there in pain.
I was still in pain when I was wheeled back to my room. My parents met me somewhere along the way, and they could also see that I was in a lot of pain. Needless to say, this was not very soothing for my mother who is neurotic. lol They got me into my room, and it was in the middle of shift change, so while I saw the PA, and she ordered me meds, there was no one to get it. It wasn't until about an hour of my lying in the bed, moaning in pain, trying to get some relief, that Dr. Pham came in and heard what was happening and made sure someone got me medicine RIGHT AWAY. Have I mentioned how much I love Dr. Pham yet? :)
Once I had medicine...dilaudid, to be specific, I felt SO much better. According to my mom, the color returned to my face and I started to look more normal. I felt more normal, too. I was sitting up and talking to my parents and the nurses, and I was just generally happy to not be in pain. And, a funny thing happened...I WASN'T hungry. This probably sounds crazy to you guys, like...'Oh, of course you're not hungry, you just had surgery!'... But, to be honest, I had been ravenously hungry every day for as long as I could remember. It was such a huge relief to wake up and NOT feel that. It was different, too. I mean, it was like everything was finally quiet and still.
I also got a ton of anti-nausea medication. The anesthesia did a number of me, and I didn't want to drink anything. Right after surgery, all you are allowed to do is drink. I was given ice chips and water, apple juice, and cranberry juice, and all I could do is sip them. They're also determined that you do not get dehydrated, so they make you drink quite a bit...and right afterwards, the LAST thing you want to do is drink something, nevermind if you're nauseous. I dutifully sipped and watched TV, but it was so lonely when everyone went home for the night. I wished they would have stayed longer just so I had company.
All though the first night, I was woken up periodically to get pain meds, which was FINE with me. lol Then, at like, 5am, someone came in to take blood. Oh, that was so miserable. I just wanted to sleep, and this woman wanted to poke my veins. Bitch. lol I know she was just doing her job, but was 5am REALLY necessary?! UGH!! Anyway, the next morning, Dr. Pham came in to check on me and my incisions, and I got permission to have some extra food like hot chicken broth and tea. And, I could finally get up and walk around the halls, which you have to do to get some of the gas out of your system from the surgery - it helps A LOT.
I stayed in the hospital for two nights, which I think helped me quite a bit, and it helped my parents, who were trying to get ready for Christmas (they were not super pleased that I did the surgery a week before Christmas), and on the last day I had to go through the GI X-ray with the contrast. They said I had to do it to get out of the hospital, and damn them, I was FURIOUS they put me through this. Sure, I get why -they wanted to make sure there were no leaks in my new stomach and whatnot, but REALLY?! You have someone who just got most of their stomach cut off, is on pain meds, and nauseous, and you want them to swallow several cups of contrast? F that.
Needless to say, I did not do well with this test. I could only swallow just a bit, and then I was gagging, sputtering, coughing, and crying. It tasted awful, and my poor lacerated stomach felt like it was trying to implode from my dry heaving. I begged, I pleaded, I asked if there was any other way they could do this, and it was what it was. I finally...FINALLY managed to drink enough that they could see it on the machine and see that I didn't have any leaks. To this day, I have NO idea how I did it. None. Suffice it to say, that test was worse than even the pain I had to endure because I was the one that had to drink that awful stuff. Ugh. Awful. lol
A few hours later, I was released. Mom picked me up and we went and got my medications - pain meds, anti-nausea, a medication that kept my stomach from contracting, and a super strong antacid. I had to take these on a schedule, which was no easy feat with such a tiny stomach. And keep in mind, a shot glass was pretty much the upper limit of my fluid intake. I was still only drinking clear liquids, or eating the occasional popsicle. I went to my parents house and I slept there for hours until my dad came to get me and bring me home where he took care of me overnight. I was really moving around pretty much fine, and I will tell everyone this - the hardest part after surgery isnt' really the pain, it's the nausea. So, if you have the option to get the anti-nausea patch beforehand, DO IT. I will save your life.
I think this entry is long enough - more on days right after surgery in the next entry. :)
In love and light,
Jenn
Monday, September 24, 2012
The Process
The process of getting VSG took a long, long time.
I officially began the process in May 2011, and had my surgery December 19, 2011. Sometimes, I swore it would never happen, but I am glad for all of the things I had to go through to do it.
First, there's the information session with the doctors to learn about the various types of weight loss surgery (WLS), and then you meet with the doctor to see if you're a candidate. Generally, you have to be at least 100lbs overweight for them to consider you. Once you've met with the doctor, they'll start the process of trying to get you approved, but you have to meet the requirements set forth by your insurance company - in my case, it was Blue Cross Blue Shield. They did not require that I do any dieting or weight loss before the surgery took place, which was good. I don't know if I could have done it, to be honest.
I did, however, have to go through a psychological evaluation. It sucked. First, I sat in a room with a psychologist who asked me questions about a paper questionnaire I had filled out. I had to spill intimate details about my life to him (and yes, I could have lied, but who would THAT have helped?), and then I had to take this massive paper test to see where I scored on that crazy scale....and THEN I had to do an in-person test with a nurse who asked me a series of questions. All of this, I can imagine, is designed to try to catch if you're in a state of serious depression and need help BEFORE you go cutting your stomach out, if you can handle the potential stress of the surgery, and if you're mentally ready to make changes. It's arduous.
Then, because the psychologist decided I had some things that alarmed him, I had to see an eating behaviorist. She and I talked about WHY I ate my feelings away, and if I understood that's what I did (I did). At the end of it, she cleared me for the surgery.
Sprinkled in between, there were other information seminars and visits to my primary that I had to make. I also had to have an endoscopy to check my GI tract since I had issues with heartburn and the like. Not fun. That isn't the case with everyone though, and your experience will be unique to you.
Before surgery, you are also required to be on a liquid diet for 2 weeks (well, this depends on your doctor, but you'll have some kind of pre-surgery regimen). It sucks. No, it more than sucks. It is the WORST thing on the entire planet. I'm 9 months out and I STILL cannot drink those shakes, just to put that into perspective for you. Just the thought of them makes me want to gag. Did I mention that it sucked? ;) Ugh. But, STICK TO IT, because that's the worst of it. It gets better from there. You lose weight on it, AND it means you're one step closer to eating solid food again. Aren't you thrilled to hear that? ;)
Generally, your hospital stay is only a night, maybe two. You will be up walking around the first day. Another thing that sucks is the gas from the surgery. You may also be in pain when you wake up. It's normal. You'll get the pain meds and then everything will be all right again. Trust me on this - I waited a long time for pain meds, and I was literally MOANING in pain. I didn't know how someone moaned in pain until I was the one doing it. But, I made it out alive. You will, too. :) Also, make sure you get the nausea patch for after the anesthesia. The crippling nausea I felt was from that, more than anything else, and if you've never had anesthesia, I would suggest getting the patch as a precaution. There is nothing on this earth that's worse than dry heaving after stomach surgery. It hurts like a biotch, and you're afraid things are going to burst (they won't...but, still..you worry about these things).
Before you leave the hospital, you'll be required to drink the contrast and go through the GI test -I cannot think of what it's called...but OMG IT'S AWFUL!! Truly, it is probably the worst thing to happen to me throughout the entire process. I cried. I dry heaved (again, NOT FUN). I cried some more. I gagged. I sobbed. I dry heaved. Are you seeing a pattern yet? I finally got enough down that they could see the path inside of me and could say for sure that I wasn't bleeding internally and everything was good post-op. Seriously, can't they put that shit into a pill? I mean COME ON. Give it to someone who's nausea is already epic, with a little tummy, and you want them to drink like 4 cups of contrast?
Yeah, right. I bet you also want to cure cancer and world hunger in the same weekend, amirite? ;)
Oy. No, I'm not bitter. LOL
Anyway, once you're home, you get to rest, eat popsicles, and probably realize that you've dropped 25-30lbs. If you're a woman, I am SO SORRY, but you're going to get the heaviest, most horrendously miserable period of your ENTIRE LIFE within a few days of your surgery. Why is this? Well, because fat holds onto estrogen... as you're losing fat, estrogen is being released into the body, it thinks shit is going down, and BAM...ladies and gentlemen, we've got a bleeder!! Just be warned. Get some of those super thick pads before you hunker down in recovery. You will need them. Don't try to contort to use tampons, that, and you'll need to replace them every hour anyway, so it's just not worth it.
You will also notice that your skin is breaking out like a teenagers, particularly on your chest and back. I had the worst case of bacne on the planet right after surgery...I mean, it physically hurt. One of my friends asked me if I had back herpes -it was THAT bad (not funny, either!!). Tags on my clothing irritated it, and there was just no relief --- at least until I started using 'Crack the Whip' from Lush Cosmetics on my back. Its this black bar with fruit and charcoal in it, and it changed my life. It cleared up my back and chest and helped me get back to normal. It looks really weird and unappealing, but trust me when I tell you, you won't regret it.
That's all for now. If you have questions, feel free to post them in the comments.
In love and light,
Jenn
I officially began the process in May 2011, and had my surgery December 19, 2011. Sometimes, I swore it would never happen, but I am glad for all of the things I had to go through to do it.
First, there's the information session with the doctors to learn about the various types of weight loss surgery (WLS), and then you meet with the doctor to see if you're a candidate. Generally, you have to be at least 100lbs overweight for them to consider you. Once you've met with the doctor, they'll start the process of trying to get you approved, but you have to meet the requirements set forth by your insurance company - in my case, it was Blue Cross Blue Shield. They did not require that I do any dieting or weight loss before the surgery took place, which was good. I don't know if I could have done it, to be honest.
I did, however, have to go through a psychological evaluation. It sucked. First, I sat in a room with a psychologist who asked me questions about a paper questionnaire I had filled out. I had to spill intimate details about my life to him (and yes, I could have lied, but who would THAT have helped?), and then I had to take this massive paper test to see where I scored on that crazy scale....and THEN I had to do an in-person test with a nurse who asked me a series of questions. All of this, I can imagine, is designed to try to catch if you're in a state of serious depression and need help BEFORE you go cutting your stomach out, if you can handle the potential stress of the surgery, and if you're mentally ready to make changes. It's arduous.
Then, because the psychologist decided I had some things that alarmed him, I had to see an eating behaviorist. She and I talked about WHY I ate my feelings away, and if I understood that's what I did (I did). At the end of it, she cleared me for the surgery.
Sprinkled in between, there were other information seminars and visits to my primary that I had to make. I also had to have an endoscopy to check my GI tract since I had issues with heartburn and the like. Not fun. That isn't the case with everyone though, and your experience will be unique to you.
Before surgery, you are also required to be on a liquid diet for 2 weeks (well, this depends on your doctor, but you'll have some kind of pre-surgery regimen). It sucks. No, it more than sucks. It is the WORST thing on the entire planet. I'm 9 months out and I STILL cannot drink those shakes, just to put that into perspective for you. Just the thought of them makes me want to gag. Did I mention that it sucked? ;) Ugh. But, STICK TO IT, because that's the worst of it. It gets better from there. You lose weight on it, AND it means you're one step closer to eating solid food again. Aren't you thrilled to hear that? ;)
Generally, your hospital stay is only a night, maybe two. You will be up walking around the first day. Another thing that sucks is the gas from the surgery. You may also be in pain when you wake up. It's normal. You'll get the pain meds and then everything will be all right again. Trust me on this - I waited a long time for pain meds, and I was literally MOANING in pain. I didn't know how someone moaned in pain until I was the one doing it. But, I made it out alive. You will, too. :) Also, make sure you get the nausea patch for after the anesthesia. The crippling nausea I felt was from that, more than anything else, and if you've never had anesthesia, I would suggest getting the patch as a precaution. There is nothing on this earth that's worse than dry heaving after stomach surgery. It hurts like a biotch, and you're afraid things are going to burst (they won't...but, still..you worry about these things).
Before you leave the hospital, you'll be required to drink the contrast and go through the GI test -I cannot think of what it's called...but OMG IT'S AWFUL!! Truly, it is probably the worst thing to happen to me throughout the entire process. I cried. I dry heaved (again, NOT FUN). I cried some more. I gagged. I sobbed. I dry heaved. Are you seeing a pattern yet? I finally got enough down that they could see the path inside of me and could say for sure that I wasn't bleeding internally and everything was good post-op. Seriously, can't they put that shit into a pill? I mean COME ON. Give it to someone who's nausea is already epic, with a little tummy, and you want them to drink like 4 cups of contrast?
Yeah, right. I bet you also want to cure cancer and world hunger in the same weekend, amirite? ;)
Oy. No, I'm not bitter. LOL
Anyway, once you're home, you get to rest, eat popsicles, and probably realize that you've dropped 25-30lbs. If you're a woman, I am SO SORRY, but you're going to get the heaviest, most horrendously miserable period of your ENTIRE LIFE within a few days of your surgery. Why is this? Well, because fat holds onto estrogen... as you're losing fat, estrogen is being released into the body, it thinks shit is going down, and BAM...ladies and gentlemen, we've got a bleeder!! Just be warned. Get some of those super thick pads before you hunker down in recovery. You will need them. Don't try to contort to use tampons, that, and you'll need to replace them every hour anyway, so it's just not worth it.
You will also notice that your skin is breaking out like a teenagers, particularly on your chest and back. I had the worst case of bacne on the planet right after surgery...I mean, it physically hurt. One of my friends asked me if I had back herpes -it was THAT bad (not funny, either!!). Tags on my clothing irritated it, and there was just no relief --- at least until I started using 'Crack the Whip' from Lush Cosmetics on my back. Its this black bar with fruit and charcoal in it, and it changed my life. It cleared up my back and chest and helped me get back to normal. It looks really weird and unappealing, but trust me when I tell you, you won't regret it.
That's all for now. If you have questions, feel free to post them in the comments.
In love and light,
Jenn
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Getting Started...
I kept saying from the beginning that I should write about my journey.
I guess I was somewhat afraid that it wouldn't work, or that I would fail somehow, and as time went on, and things began to change, it was then wonderment rather than fear, that kept me silent. But, I do feel like more people need to know what this is like, because it's important if you're considering making your own decisions about the gastric sleeve, or know someone who is and want to be supportive.
So, let's start at the beginning then, shall we?
My name is Jenn. I'm 30 years old. I grew up in an Italian family that loved and appreciated (and still does) food. Lots of food. Everywhere we went, everything was focused around food. It was just our 'thing'. I can't remember a trip or a moment that didn't circulate around food, and I know that I used it to comfort myself when I was sad, because that's what I learned at home. I can remember the kids picking on me at school, and I would come home and eat because that always made me happy.
And then, I was picked on for being chubby and/or fat. So, what did I do? I ate more. It's a vicious, nasty, horrible cycle that people need to understand is more than just a matter of knowing what a calorie is or how it works. So, my mom put me into a kids weight loss group called ShapeDown. I hated it. I did lose weight, but I didn't feel like it helped me. It was frustrating.
After high school, I went to college, and there my weight really took off. I had NO idea how to feed myself. None, whatsoever. I was always trying diets, and when I wasn't dieting, I was eating how I normally ate, and it never once occurred to me that two grilled cheese sandwiches with fries and a big salad covered in cheese and dressing was not healthy for me. After all, I didn't eat all of the fries, and it was salad, was it not?
Fail.
We won't get into the late night pizza, taco in the student union, epic amounts of food at brunch, including the plate of bacon I could sometimes consume, mug nights, wing nights, visits to the bars, the occasional pot of pasta with sauce or butter, or the entire medium pizza I might eat alone in my apartment over the span of four hours while I was studying. The concept of a calorie LITERALLY meant nothing. To think back on it now, I am ashamed to say that at the age of 19-21, I was not able to take care of myself because I wasn't properly educated on how to do so. I am not making excuses -I simply want people to understand that it is honestly possible to NOT know. Sure, I didn't always think that I was eating healthy, but did I ever think that I was consuming 3000-4000 calories per day? Absolutely not. Never.
Looking back on it, it makes me very sad, only because if that sad, lonely girl in college had known, maybe she would have been able to make some changes and take back control. Then again, who knows? I feel like that life was meant for me to live so that I could learn and come out on top and make changes. I can remember staring at myself in the mirror in my dorm room and thinking about how I would look if I could just lose the weight. Would people like me more? Would guys actually want to date me, rather than just try to hook up and act like it never happened? Howcome I couldn't be the hot girl, rather than her roommate, just once? I wondered what it would be like to not have people stare at me, judge what I was eating or wearing, make comments, throw me out of parties after comparing me to a cow.... all of these thing happened, and they still sting in the remembering as much as they did then.
As I got older and moved around, I gained and lost weight frequently. First, I moved to Charlotte, NC to teach high school where I did Weight Watchers and lost 50lbs pretty quickly. Then, I got into a very, very bad abusive relationship, and I gained weight back. I had no money as a result, and I was eating like crap. At this point, I did know to some extent that I wasn't eating well, but when all I had was $5 or $10 for a couple of meals, the dollar menu at McD's looked like gourmet cuisine. No lie.
Eventually, I got the control back and I left NC, moved back home, and got a new job. Almost immediately, I went back to trying to lose weight. I hated being a size 22/24, and I didn't want to be that anymore. I made a friend who inspired me and helped me to try to make those changes, and I managed to lose 70lbs. I fell in love. I had my heart broken. I ran a half-marathon. I had health issues where I was banned from exercise. I tried to pick up the pieces. I bought a house. I gained all of the weight back and then some.
At some point, you grow tired of it. You think - I CANNOT keep doing this anymore. There was a lot going into that, too. I started thinking about VSG long before I actually took the steps to learn about it. I kept it to myself, too....n that deep, dark place where you hold onto dreams and imagine what life would be like if they came true. That place where you think of all the things you'd do if you won the lottery, had a body like Kim Kardashian, or married Prince William - you don't actually expect any of it to happen, but you still dream about it. That's where I put the thought of doing VSG or ever reaching my goal weight. You cannot imagine how difficult that was for me, because I wanted to talk about it. I was just afraid.
Then, my friend R.* and I were talking about weight loss surgery, and I learned that she was considering the same thing. We tossed around the bypass and the lapband, but eventually we both settled on the sleeve. And then a funny thing happened- we started going through the process together to get the surgery. At first, it was just 'well, let's see what they say.' and we would learn something, and then we met the doctor, and he was amazing, and we both felt like maybe it was possible. And then I found out that my hunger hormones were a MESS, and that was part of the reason I was starving all of the time - sure, my love of food was DEFINITELY part of it- but it wasn't all of it. Finally, I felt better knowing it was JUST my failure. My body failed me when I needed it to take care of me, but at least I had answers, and I had a way out, so I continued to go through the steps - the psych evaluation, the doctors visits, the visits to the nutritionist, the visits to the eating behaviorist - it was a constant stream of doctor visits here and there.
Sometimes, R. and I would go to lunch, and we would sit imagining how our lunches would change once we had the surgery. We would envision 1/2 cup of food and laugh at how ridiculous it sounded to eat so little, and yet, in the imagining, we went through something very important. But more on that later.
R. got the call for the surgery a month before I did. Hers went well, and I hoped mine would, too. I wasn't even sure I would get approved, but she had, so I was hopeful. Once I got the call, I scheduled it for December 19, 2011. It was a Monday. I had to do two weeks on a liquid protein diet to prepare for the surgery, and beforehand I visited NYC and saw Tori Amos in concert. I felt huge. I felt so uncomfortable in the seats at the theater, and just in general. Sitting at tables to eat, I felt huge then, too. My body just kept getting in the way. I have no idea how much I weighed, but I have my guesses that I was probably close to, if not just over, 300lbs. I was in a size 24, and it was tight, but I REFUSED to buy a 26 when I knew that surgery was close. REFUSED. And the funny thing is that, once I told my friends and family what I was planning to do, most of them were utterly convinced that I was not big enough for surgery.
Lovely family and friends I have. :)
The point is - it was a really long journey to get to where I was going. I am going to go more in depth at each part of it. I hope you will come with me on some of the new stuff, and reminisce with me on some of the old stuff, and I hope that if you have found this page because you are considering VSG, or any weight loss surgery, that it helps you- that you feel less alone and less unsupported.
I hope I can make your journey a little easier.
In love and light,
Jenn
I guess I was somewhat afraid that it wouldn't work, or that I would fail somehow, and as time went on, and things began to change, it was then wonderment rather than fear, that kept me silent. But, I do feel like more people need to know what this is like, because it's important if you're considering making your own decisions about the gastric sleeve, or know someone who is and want to be supportive.
So, let's start at the beginning then, shall we?
My name is Jenn. I'm 30 years old. I grew up in an Italian family that loved and appreciated (and still does) food. Lots of food. Everywhere we went, everything was focused around food. It was just our 'thing'. I can't remember a trip or a moment that didn't circulate around food, and I know that I used it to comfort myself when I was sad, because that's what I learned at home. I can remember the kids picking on me at school, and I would come home and eat because that always made me happy.
And then, I was picked on for being chubby and/or fat. So, what did I do? I ate more. It's a vicious, nasty, horrible cycle that people need to understand is more than just a matter of knowing what a calorie is or how it works. So, my mom put me into a kids weight loss group called ShapeDown. I hated it. I did lose weight, but I didn't feel like it helped me. It was frustrating.
After high school, I went to college, and there my weight really took off. I had NO idea how to feed myself. None, whatsoever. I was always trying diets, and when I wasn't dieting, I was eating how I normally ate, and it never once occurred to me that two grilled cheese sandwiches with fries and a big salad covered in cheese and dressing was not healthy for me. After all, I didn't eat all of the fries, and it was salad, was it not?
Fail.
We won't get into the late night pizza, taco in the student union, epic amounts of food at brunch, including the plate of bacon I could sometimes consume, mug nights, wing nights, visits to the bars, the occasional pot of pasta with sauce or butter, or the entire medium pizza I might eat alone in my apartment over the span of four hours while I was studying. The concept of a calorie LITERALLY meant nothing. To think back on it now, I am ashamed to say that at the age of 19-21, I was not able to take care of myself because I wasn't properly educated on how to do so. I am not making excuses -I simply want people to understand that it is honestly possible to NOT know. Sure, I didn't always think that I was eating healthy, but did I ever think that I was consuming 3000-4000 calories per day? Absolutely not. Never.
Looking back on it, it makes me very sad, only because if that sad, lonely girl in college had known, maybe she would have been able to make some changes and take back control. Then again, who knows? I feel like that life was meant for me to live so that I could learn and come out on top and make changes. I can remember staring at myself in the mirror in my dorm room and thinking about how I would look if I could just lose the weight. Would people like me more? Would guys actually want to date me, rather than just try to hook up and act like it never happened? Howcome I couldn't be the hot girl, rather than her roommate, just once? I wondered what it would be like to not have people stare at me, judge what I was eating or wearing, make comments, throw me out of parties after comparing me to a cow.... all of these thing happened, and they still sting in the remembering as much as they did then.
As I got older and moved around, I gained and lost weight frequently. First, I moved to Charlotte, NC to teach high school where I did Weight Watchers and lost 50lbs pretty quickly. Then, I got into a very, very bad abusive relationship, and I gained weight back. I had no money as a result, and I was eating like crap. At this point, I did know to some extent that I wasn't eating well, but when all I had was $5 or $10 for a couple of meals, the dollar menu at McD's looked like gourmet cuisine. No lie.
Eventually, I got the control back and I left NC, moved back home, and got a new job. Almost immediately, I went back to trying to lose weight. I hated being a size 22/24, and I didn't want to be that anymore. I made a friend who inspired me and helped me to try to make those changes, and I managed to lose 70lbs. I fell in love. I had my heart broken. I ran a half-marathon. I had health issues where I was banned from exercise. I tried to pick up the pieces. I bought a house. I gained all of the weight back and then some.
At some point, you grow tired of it. You think - I CANNOT keep doing this anymore. There was a lot going into that, too. I started thinking about VSG long before I actually took the steps to learn about it. I kept it to myself, too....n that deep, dark place where you hold onto dreams and imagine what life would be like if they came true. That place where you think of all the things you'd do if you won the lottery, had a body like Kim Kardashian, or married Prince William - you don't actually expect any of it to happen, but you still dream about it. That's where I put the thought of doing VSG or ever reaching my goal weight. You cannot imagine how difficult that was for me, because I wanted to talk about it. I was just afraid.
Then, my friend R.* and I were talking about weight loss surgery, and I learned that she was considering the same thing. We tossed around the bypass and the lapband, but eventually we both settled on the sleeve. And then a funny thing happened- we started going through the process together to get the surgery. At first, it was just 'well, let's see what they say.' and we would learn something, and then we met the doctor, and he was amazing, and we both felt like maybe it was possible. And then I found out that my hunger hormones were a MESS, and that was part of the reason I was starving all of the time - sure, my love of food was DEFINITELY part of it- but it wasn't all of it. Finally, I felt better knowing it was JUST my failure. My body failed me when I needed it to take care of me, but at least I had answers, and I had a way out, so I continued to go through the steps - the psych evaluation, the doctors visits, the visits to the nutritionist, the visits to the eating behaviorist - it was a constant stream of doctor visits here and there.
Sometimes, R. and I would go to lunch, and we would sit imagining how our lunches would change once we had the surgery. We would envision 1/2 cup of food and laugh at how ridiculous it sounded to eat so little, and yet, in the imagining, we went through something very important. But more on that later.
R. got the call for the surgery a month before I did. Hers went well, and I hoped mine would, too. I wasn't even sure I would get approved, but she had, so I was hopeful. Once I got the call, I scheduled it for December 19, 2011. It was a Monday. I had to do two weeks on a liquid protein diet to prepare for the surgery, and beforehand I visited NYC and saw Tori Amos in concert. I felt huge. I felt so uncomfortable in the seats at the theater, and just in general. Sitting at tables to eat, I felt huge then, too. My body just kept getting in the way. I have no idea how much I weighed, but I have my guesses that I was probably close to, if not just over, 300lbs. I was in a size 24, and it was tight, but I REFUSED to buy a 26 when I knew that surgery was close. REFUSED. And the funny thing is that, once I told my friends and family what I was planning to do, most of them were utterly convinced that I was not big enough for surgery.
 |
| Halloween 2011 |
Lovely family and friends I have. :)
The point is - it was a really long journey to get to where I was going. I am going to go more in depth at each part of it. I hope you will come with me on some of the new stuff, and reminisce with me on some of the old stuff, and I hope that if you have found this page because you are considering VSG, or any weight loss surgery, that it helps you- that you feel less alone and less unsupported.
I hope I can make your journey a little easier.
In love and light,
Jenn
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